Post by Onik on Aug 19, 2012 17:53:51 GMT -6
Alright you little faggots who don't know how to be a true Nordic Viking here is a little guide on how to get up a bunch of skills (most importantly your smithing/enchanting) as well as getting a ton of fucking money. I mean a ton. You will have enough money to be able to buy NTFB from Matt someday. But before I make this guide, I would like to address that everyone who is a true son and daughter of Skyrim shall go and join the Stormcloak army to obliterate those smelly, green/tan/dark purple, pointy eared, tyrant, good for nothing pieces of trash named Elves and take back what is ours!!!!!
Now aside from me trying to promote the exstinction of the elves here is a little overview of what you will be doing. A ton of mining, a ton of Transmute spamming, a ton of skeleton killing, a ton of glitch abuse (not too bad tho,) a ton of running while over-encumbered, and thinking of how to kill all the elves in Skyrim while doing so!
First off, you are going to go search "Dawnstar Chest Glitch Skyrim" or something like that in Youtube and watch the video on how to break into the hidden chest in Dawnstar. You're going to take all of the armor/weapons with enchantments (look for One/Two handed enchanted shit, and soul trap enchanted shit, you will need these two,) all of the animal pelts/hides, all of the soul gems (empty and filled,) and all of that gold so you can be as fly as Onik.
Now to refill the chest, make sure you wait 24-48 hours from when you get your shit. Then go back to the little Khajit camp outside of Dawnstar/Riften and talk to the dirty pussy dressed in the yellow/orange dress and talk to her. (After you rob it the first time she will be left with 0 gold. If she has some gold then you know your chest is reloaded.) A faster way to wait is to fast travel to Riften or to Solitude and then to the Riften Stables or Dawnguard to find the kitties. (Whiterun Kitties DO NOT WORK.)
Now that you have some of your shit, you're going to go to an enchanting table and disenchant a "Soul Trap" enchanted weapon (unless you already have this enchantment unlocked) and you're going to enchant a weapon. Mages you are in luck, you can use Soul Trap + Destruction to level your Conjuration as you do this. Then you are going to go find a bunch of caves or do some quests with a ton of Skeletons and Draugrs and other dead shit to steal souls from. Dawnguard's questline has a FUCKING TON of caves filled with these dead fucks.
Now do you remember all those bear pelts, saber cat hides, horse hides and shit you stole? Well you may have put them in your Breezehome cabinets and shit so you weren't so fucking fat, you sloppy, fat chinned fuck. But now you are going to regain that weight you lost with your Breezehome Jenny Craig system. Get all that shit in your inventory and go to the Tanning Rack at the Forge next to the Whiterun entrance and make a bunch of leather. (If you are rich like me you can just buy some extra leather from Adrianna for more cool leathery nuts.) Then before making Leather Strips, kind've think out how to ratio your Leather and Leather Strips so you can make as many Bracers as possible. THIS IS NOT THE MAIN SMITHING PART.
Now that you have Bracers, and a ton of fucking gems that reek of faggotry, go to Dragonsreach. Now after you have all of these bracers you are probably fat as fuck and dying of hunger but that'd too bad, walk your overencumbered ass up to Dragonsreach and get into the enchanting room and enchant all of your gems into your bracers. (Preferabbly with One/Two handed enchants for more profit.) Then when you run out of gems, roll your fat fucking ass down the stairs of Dragonsreach and get to the forge again. Wait however long you need until Adrianna gets her ugly, redguard ass back to the forge and sell her all your bracers. Wait 24-48 hours and sell more bracers, and more bracers, and more bracers. You will have a hefty wallet by then, and after you repeat this process your Enchanting should be 100 when you are done.
Now you need to get some kind of Necklace, Ring, Gloves/Gauntlets, and a Helmet/Hat to enchant Alteration (disenchant something to unlock this) into these 4 items. Make sure your perks have your Enchanting shit all up through the middle line. Now it should decrease the cost for Alteration Spells by 25% for each thing, and with 4 things with 25% each? That's 100% you fucking dumbass. Now equip that shit and get ready to rape some nasty fucking elven bandits, along with a few nasty green, booger, orc bandit chiefs.
Get the fuck out of Whiterun you bitch and go north of whiterun until you see a thing that looks like two sticks leaning against each other and touching at the top. It's called like "Steam Halted Camp" or something like that. It starts with steam faggots and I'm not on Skyrim right now. Go in there and kill the first bitch, grab a Pickaxe and MINE EVERY SINGLE IRON ORE VEIN UNTIL YOUR FAT FLABBY ARMS GO NUMB, AND THEN MINE MORE. You should have 45+ Iron Ore. Then there should be a table next to the dead mammoth where there's an Alteration Book called Transmute. Grab that shit and read it, now I know it's hard for you to read because you're probably and fucking faggot ass elf, so call a Nord to read it if you are incapable. Then onto the next part.
Dual-Wield the Transmute spell with your Alteration shit equipped and spam that fucking shit. All of your Iron ore will eventually turn into Gold Ore. Get alllll that gold ore and then go back to the forge in Whiterun. Smelt those ores into Gold Ingots. You'll get anywhere from 25-40 ingots for each trip through the little mine. Now go to the blacksmith forge and go to Jewelry, and hopefully you are smart enough to have some gems to help make your rings/necklaces worth more value and level your smithing faster, but if you don't have gems then ALWAYS CHOOSE Gold Rings(2.) It'll give you two rings for 1 ingot. So once you used up your gems and got all your regular rings your smithing should have gone up a good deal. Something that makes this easier is to have the Combat stone activated. If you don't know where the combat zone is? Jump off of the Throat of the World. Then you can either put your rings/necklaces into your cabinets in Breezehome and then wait a long fucking time. I would say fast traveling from Riften to Solitude 5-10 times should refill the cave with retarded bandits who are mentally impaired. Go mine more shit, and repeat this process. Afterwards you can enchant all of your rings/necklaces with any Gems you have left over, or you can go get more gems from the chest.
If you do end up enchanting all of your necklaces/rings, then you are going ot be one rich son of a nord. So make sure you do this until you get 100 Smithing, your alteration will not get 100 so don't worry. Your enchanting will be 100 which is very useful. Your conjuration may be 100 depending on if you used the Soul Trap Spell or Weapon, and your bank will be OVER 9000!!!! So thank you for reading Onik's guide. Questions, Concerns, Deragatory comments? Please call 1-800-GOFUCKYOURSELF, and always remember.
N O R D ! P O W E R !
Now aside from me trying to promote the exstinction of the elves here is a little overview of what you will be doing. A ton of mining, a ton of Transmute spamming, a ton of skeleton killing, a ton of glitch abuse (not too bad tho,) a ton of running while over-encumbered, and thinking of how to kill all the elves in Skyrim while doing so!
First off, you are going to go search "Dawnstar Chest Glitch Skyrim" or something like that in Youtube and watch the video on how to break into the hidden chest in Dawnstar. You're going to take all of the armor/weapons with enchantments (look for One/Two handed enchanted shit, and soul trap enchanted shit, you will need these two,) all of the animal pelts/hides, all of the soul gems (empty and filled,) and all of that gold so you can be as fly as Onik.
Now to refill the chest, make sure you wait 24-48 hours from when you get your shit. Then go back to the little Khajit camp outside of Dawnstar/Riften and talk to the dirty pussy dressed in the yellow/orange dress and talk to her. (After you rob it the first time she will be left with 0 gold. If she has some gold then you know your chest is reloaded.) A faster way to wait is to fast travel to Riften or to Solitude and then to the Riften Stables or Dawnguard to find the kitties. (Whiterun Kitties DO NOT WORK.)
Now that you have some of your shit, you're going to go to an enchanting table and disenchant a "Soul Trap" enchanted weapon (unless you already have this enchantment unlocked) and you're going to enchant a weapon. Mages you are in luck, you can use Soul Trap + Destruction to level your Conjuration as you do this. Then you are going to go find a bunch of caves or do some quests with a ton of Skeletons and Draugrs and other dead shit to steal souls from. Dawnguard's questline has a FUCKING TON of caves filled with these dead fucks.
Now do you remember all those bear pelts, saber cat hides, horse hides and shit you stole? Well you may have put them in your Breezehome cabinets and shit so you weren't so fucking fat, you sloppy, fat chinned fuck. But now you are going to regain that weight you lost with your Breezehome Jenny Craig system. Get all that shit in your inventory and go to the Tanning Rack at the Forge next to the Whiterun entrance and make a bunch of leather. (If you are rich like me you can just buy some extra leather from Adrianna for more cool leathery nuts.) Then before making Leather Strips, kind've think out how to ratio your Leather and Leather Strips so you can make as many Bracers as possible. THIS IS NOT THE MAIN SMITHING PART.
Now that you have Bracers, and a ton of fucking gems that reek of faggotry, go to Dragonsreach. Now after you have all of these bracers you are probably fat as fuck and dying of hunger but that'd too bad, walk your overencumbered ass up to Dragonsreach and get into the enchanting room and enchant all of your gems into your bracers. (Preferabbly with One/Two handed enchants for more profit.) Then when you run out of gems, roll your fat fucking ass down the stairs of Dragonsreach and get to the forge again. Wait however long you need until Adrianna gets her ugly, redguard ass back to the forge and sell her all your bracers. Wait 24-48 hours and sell more bracers, and more bracers, and more bracers. You will have a hefty wallet by then, and after you repeat this process your Enchanting should be 100 when you are done.
Now you need to get some kind of Necklace, Ring, Gloves/Gauntlets, and a Helmet/Hat to enchant Alteration (disenchant something to unlock this) into these 4 items. Make sure your perks have your Enchanting shit all up through the middle line. Now it should decrease the cost for Alteration Spells by 25% for each thing, and with 4 things with 25% each? That's 100% you fucking dumbass. Now equip that shit and get ready to rape some nasty fucking elven bandits, along with a few nasty green, booger, orc bandit chiefs.
Get the fuck out of Whiterun you bitch and go north of whiterun until you see a thing that looks like two sticks leaning against each other and touching at the top. It's called like "Steam Halted Camp" or something like that. It starts with steam faggots and I'm not on Skyrim right now. Go in there and kill the first bitch, grab a Pickaxe and MINE EVERY SINGLE IRON ORE VEIN UNTIL YOUR FAT FLABBY ARMS GO NUMB, AND THEN MINE MORE. You should have 45+ Iron Ore. Then there should be a table next to the dead mammoth where there's an Alteration Book called Transmute. Grab that shit and read it, now I know it's hard for you to read because you're probably and fucking faggot ass elf, so call a Nord to read it if you are incapable. Then onto the next part.
Dual-Wield the Transmute spell with your Alteration shit equipped and spam that fucking shit. All of your Iron ore will eventually turn into Gold Ore. Get alllll that gold ore and then go back to the forge in Whiterun. Smelt those ores into Gold Ingots. You'll get anywhere from 25-40 ingots for each trip through the little mine. Now go to the blacksmith forge and go to Jewelry, and hopefully you are smart enough to have some gems to help make your rings/necklaces worth more value and level your smithing faster, but if you don't have gems then ALWAYS CHOOSE Gold Rings(2.) It'll give you two rings for 1 ingot. So once you used up your gems and got all your regular rings your smithing should have gone up a good deal. Something that makes this easier is to have the Combat stone activated. If you don't know where the combat zone is? Jump off of the Throat of the World. Then you can either put your rings/necklaces into your cabinets in Breezehome and then wait a long fucking time. I would say fast traveling from Riften to Solitude 5-10 times should refill the cave with retarded bandits who are mentally impaired. Go mine more shit, and repeat this process. Afterwards you can enchant all of your rings/necklaces with any Gems you have left over, or you can go get more gems from the chest.
If you do end up enchanting all of your necklaces/rings, then you are going ot be one rich son of a nord. So make sure you do this until you get 100 Smithing, your alteration will not get 100 so don't worry. Your enchanting will be 100 which is very useful. Your conjuration may be 100 depending on if you used the Soul Trap Spell or Weapon, and your bank will be OVER 9000!!!! So thank you for reading Onik's guide. Questions, Concerns, Deragatory comments? Please call 1-800-GOFUCKYOURSELF, and always remember.
N O R D ! P O W E R !